2.01.2012

I Have Found the One Whom My Soul Loves

It's February the month of LOVE and I get to take a moment to share with you about the LOVE of my life. But there's just one problem....I don't have that fairytale story like some of you...No.

It wasn't an easy process finding him. In fact it was really messy and full of broken pieces.

I'm a little sick at the moment. I'm about to be incredibly vulnerable for just a moment and for me that's just never easy. I've sorta had to be on guard a lot in my life. So I've grown up with this instinct to protect myself. However, I am in the process of letting The Father protect me instead.

I have found the one whom my soul loves -Song of Solomon 3:4
You see I found my Valentine after 2 failed marriages (2 of them) the first riddled with selfishness and the second, not worth mentioning, was laced with verbal, physical, & emotional abuse.. I know, I know it wasn't pretty. I have come to grips with the fact that, that's my story. It's part of my redemption. It's part of this Faith Filled Journey.  It's what has made me lay face down at the foot of the cross in tears thanking The Father for the blessings I have that I do not deserve. I am Humbled.

I feel I have somewhat of a responsibility to share because there is someone else out there who is thinking they can't be redeemed from the mess they have made of their life.

Come March 16th I will have been happily married to my best friend for 10 yrs. I am in awe of what The Father has provided for me. When all my dreams were dashed and I had given up any hope of having a happy marriage EVER- I met him. My Valentine.

"Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." James 1:12

It wasn't an easy beginning. After all I had two young boys and a load of brokenness. I didn't trust anyone with my kids. Their father had decided not to participate in their life as a full time father and provider anymore so the whole load was basically on me. I'm a fighter though and I had great parents behind me giving me a helping hand.... Again.

My Valentine- We started to date. I remember telling the boys his name for the first time. I remember he looked for ways to include the boys for my sake. Ok, it was really hard. This was a young man who had not been married nor ever had any children. In fact he was the baby of his family so he really didn't have much experience. I really tried to make him run away. This was not something he needed to get himself into. But he was patient and kind and very loving through the process. It wasn't perfect. But he seriously didn't waver in his love for me. The harder I pushed the stronger he became. For me. 

After 2 years of "dating" and 9/11 happened I decided life was worth living to the full and love was worth the risk.  Nov. 2001 we got engaged. I can't remember everything he said.. I wish with everything I could. I do remember crying because he promised to always love me and he would love the boys as his own. That he would always do his best to keep my trust and theirs. Then something else about it all being worth it just to be with me.

A love I hadn't known.

A silent whisper "Lord, should I believe him? I'm a little scared."

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear expects punishment. The person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love. We love because God first loved us.”
1 John 4:18-19 {CEB}

"Lord, I'm going to trust that this is the right thing and I'm going to walk in faith towards this hope" What do you do when you pray that prayer?... You seek the face of God. He moved out of the house and we started going to church. We explained to the boys why we wanted to get started on the right foot but in order to do that some changes needed to be made before that could happen. Those changes were hard and I wasn't sure how it would work out but I can assure you walking in obedience to The Father is always more rewarding than satisfying the flesh. Always!

10 yrs ago and many moments in between I married the man I know The Father blessed me with. His love for me has really never faltered. He diligently worked  hard on that relationship with the boys and nurtured them. Gaining their respect and love. They assumed he would just leave too.

Sometimes you have to trust one step at a time.

We hadn't officially decided we would have a child together. I 'thought' I was done. My Valentine said he didn't care. He didn't know what he was missing. He was ok with it. But I knew what he was missing. I couldn't allow him not to know that moment you hold your baby in your arms for the first time after waiting 9 long months. I just couldn't. So, along comes Nicole 9 months later.. What a joy and glue she has been to our family. She was God's idea. He knew what He was doing!

3 years after being married the boys asked him to officially be their dad. They asked him for his name.

He never even hesitated. Trust had been gained. Did he understand what the impact was that he was making in their lives?



These broken pieces.... Held in The Father's hands. I am grateful.

Lord, help me honor this gift you have given.
I've done a lot of changing and growing and it's because of my Valentine's love for me that I was able to. The Father knew just what I needed, what we needed and He provided.

What a beautiful mess it has become. Rising above the impossible to claim that The Father does redeem and makes all things new.

I try not to ever take any of it for granted. I try not to look him in the eye as if life goes on. I hope he knows how deeply loved I feel.

I mean after all he brings me coffee in bed e-v-e-r-y morning. Such a good man. Honest man. Loving man. Hard working man and he does ALL the grocery shopping just so we can stay on budget.

Humbled and thankful for such a man as this to model to the boys and to this girl who will one day be looking for her valentine.. Do they even understand? I know one day when they look into the face of their own child they will understand the magnitude of his sacrifice for us.

10 yrs ago I married The One Whom My Soul Loves.  

The Father wants His image to shine through what He turned from ashes to beauty. He wants the world to see Him through our marriages. It's up to us to be willing to shine that light of hope in such a broken world. It's up to us to make that commitment to love when it's hard to love. He will place that kind of love in our hearts for our spouse if we just ask Him too.

Mack-My Valentine, I love you and I am thankful for the man you are. I agree with Nicole when she said "I hope some day I can find a man like you daddy." It's a high calling being a dad but.....


"The One who calls you is faithful, and He will do it.
1 Thess. 5:24



10 comments:

  1. Such a beautiful story of God's restoration. Isn't wonderful to know that He repairs all of our broken pieces. Stopped by from Getting Down With Jesus.

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    1. Thanks for stopping by Joan! His redeeming love is beautiful and I am so thankful.

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  2. This post is so beautiful, Laura!

    I can definitely relate...and yes, now I better understand how well you could relate to this morning's post on my blog.

    It seems you and I have much in common, in terms of our life journeys.

    "The Father does redeem and makes all things new!"

    Thank you, for sharing!

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    1. Amen!! Thanks for stopping by Joe. It's hard to be transparent. But I've come to realize it's the only way to let the Light of Jesus shine. Can't hide my redemption!!

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  3. This is beautiful, and I can relate to so much of it. It's amazing how different things are when God is the third strand in the cord. Sometimes I compare the wife I am now to the wife I was before, and I can hardly believe I'm the same person. I, too, am so thankful for my husband.

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    1. Me too Brandee- I don't recognize myself either.. but so thankful The Lord got ahold of me an did the changing!! Thankful for the love of my husband that has given me the freedom to change as well.

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  4. God makes the most beautiful things out of brokenness, doesn't He? God bless you in your marriage. We're glad you linked up with The High Calling's "I Do" writing project.

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    1. Hey Jennifer- thanks so much for the invite!! I was honored to be invited to do so. Blessings!

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  5. I'm right there with you on this one. God has redeemed my messes (marriage messes too) over and over again. In fact, I've come to believe that there's more beauty in my brokenness (as well as other people's) than there ever was in my attempted perfection.

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    1. You know after the fact that is so true. Not to encourage "mess" but Jesus came for those who are messy- not the ones who are "perfect". There is great testimony in that and I think his light shines brighter through that mess.

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